my fingers want to dance a bit

I put in my notice today at work. Yes, I cried. Back to nursing assistant work. I get to hang out with the wise once again. So, my desktop was hit by lightning last week—and it seems the modem is a bit screwed up, though the fan still works… Anyway, I am back on the laptop that was given to me while I was in Australia by the generosity of the Paige family. STORYTIME: Basically, my loaned-to-me laptop was sitting in a somewhat secure location (so I thought), it peeked out from under the bed. The wind reached in and wrestled with something on the bed-stand, which in turn knocked over a roll of film… The film turned over several times, than landed on the peeked out park of the laptop with enough force to shatter a layer of the screen lining. It was too expensive to fix… foreign parts and what-have-you. So I opted to mope around a bit. I had only been in the country for several weeks… in the country for schooling, and my supposed method of assignment completion was messed up. I am going to cut out some crazy parts from the middle but the ending is the good part anyway… The Paige family, the elderly couple who loves Jesus and truly exemplifies generosity knocked on my host family’s door and offered the computer to me. I thanked them and told them that I would return it in June. They looked deeply at me, and replied, “Keep the computer. We only ask one thing… Use it only to give God glory.” And I still thank them… So, now I find myself back on here reading old assignments I wrote, and old letters and email responses that I had transferred into a Word doc. for convenience sake while I was over there, and now I find them undisturbed--as if they were hidden away in some time capsule... I could write more. And another day I will, but slumber and rest beckons me again. Oh, my dad is heading off to EAA tomorrow. He is a pilot. Yeah, I am boasting. That is a darn big accomplishment I would have to announce. He is excited. It is one of those summer ventures he likes to do, and he almost wasn’t able to make it this year. But, the tides changed and he is heading off super early tomorrow morning. I am excited for him. Just in case you haven’t noticed…

the daughter of a librarian

the moon wants to come up. it won't. not quite yet. the summer sun lags. that is the truth. it is slow. and it lags. i think it keeps shining for all of the kickball games that are not even nearly over at 8:30 pm. that is what i think. that is why the summer sun lags. and the moon has to wait. it all comes backs to kickball. the same one you were taught in first grade.__ yes, i am a daughter of a librarian. yes, i am in the facilty after the sign on the outside reads "closed." *wells fargo keeps me in-line, money-wise because i am bad at writing in the little book. *blogs don't keep me awake at night, but they do tend to offer perspective during the daylight hours. *hotmail controls my emotions. i am lying. i hope you know that. *random organizational sites make me wonder about my tomarrows. *yahoo maps offer timed direction. that is cool. i wish other sources offered timed direction. ...trust... oh, yeah. trust.____this weekend consists of an interview. and the bubble baby shower. and betty parent's surprize anniversary party. and swimming at a hotel. and the housesitting people coming home to their home i like calling my home. and sunday school. and challanging-randy-dean-messages-from-jesus-church. and a bridal shower for my hot friend. that might be it on the agenda. did i mention i don't like agendas. i don't. lists are ok. but agendas feel more permenant to me, and thats not fun. oh, and i am going to have fun. i have already decided. but i should go. because the police station is downstairs and yeah... i should maybe go. tonight i get to do dishes and feed the dog and do laudry-- with the music as loud as i please. and i could talk to myself if i wanted to and it wouldn't be deemed weird. perhaps, it would-- but no one but uma will be there. it is friday night and i am alone. and i am so looking forward to loud music. ('shoot hoops' (it seems weird for me to say that, but that is what i did) i did "that" with cat stevens singing to me yesterday's eve. and the stars and the moon looked on. good times. though i have a terrible aim and not very stong arms. it was still good.)

this computer works fast

i am on the second housesitting adventure. the dog's name is Uma--she is huge and has massive black fur-- and they have an amazing flower garden... i hope i don't kill any of the plants. so, i get to use their quick-running internet service, and eat their food for a week. nice. i hope they have fun on their venture. ***this afternoon's wedding was lovely. we were dripping sweat and i was glad i was a girl and wearing a sundress, rather than a boy and wearing dress pants. the consideration of chopping off my hair did pass rather quickly through my mind; no sissors yet. the bridesmaids wore black... yeah, it was hot. it was good to be in attendence though. ***i hung out a bit after the ceremony but i didn't end up going to the reception. i had some thinking to do. i began traveling towards home but i opted to go a different way. i stopped at this sandstone cliffish thing on the side of the road. the last time i had gotten out at this destination, i probably was age ten. seriously. anyways, i was now in different attire, and i found myself climbing this sandy slope with pen and notebook in hand. i kicked the fine dust and it avalanched down. after forcing the sand off various sides for about twenty minutes i just stood there. and i continued the process of myself being placed rightly before the only god that was and is. i asked him questions. he didn't verbally answer. i asked more. still no noise from the one that is holy. a lot of my questions had "why" as their prefice. "why was i born in the usa?" "why here in wisconsin?" "why do i know the people i do?" "why have you revealed yourself to the deepness of who i am?" "why?"-- the list continued, and than some more. i asked him questions about himself. questions that do not deny that he is more than i could even wonder or imagian. i am not sure. i am being changed more so. religion discusts me. hyporocisy discusts me. pettyness discusts me. but i am also seeing that what i see as petty-- others depict as a catostapic event... i want to be about want really actually matters, but i keep hearing good godly individuals speak of sparkle evangelism-- being extra friendly and nice and than pray for oppurtunities. im not sure i agree, at all. -------------there is a song that goes--"i don't want to be a flame, i want to be a raging fire..." ------- the time on the sandy mount is now valued, even though as i came down i crashed upon my right leg and i thought i may have broken it. geeze. ***so, now i might get a stick sift from my neighbor and pay only a little. it might be like driver's ed all over again. but i would feel tough. we'll see, presently, i still drive the van. yes, thee big and bad van. ***penny informed me that she bought blow-up floaty things. i want the river. actually, wouldn't that be fun- to float in the late night- watch the stars and have your feet immersed? now that is good.

T day.

• the high school reunion is in the process of being planned- we are just going to do it. i want everyone to show. it might happen, right? yeah... reality. to me that is the sad part. truly that their are some kids that i went to school with from kindergarten through senior year, and i won't see them agian. i might. statistics shout something else-- but i MIGHT see them all at the get together that someone deemed a "reunion."
• i figured out my bills on a hunk of cardboard tonight. it was more nice than the stark white of many notebook papers.
• i found a dubbed copy of pink floyd in my room and i am currently allowing his lyrics and noise thrash about in my head. i have no idea where it come from. i hope i am not a theif.
• the new harry potter books came in today. i heard that a copy leaked out prior to the release date of the 16th. that is not good. i will be vauge and say it happened east of the mississippi because it did, and i presently do not recall the state, town, zip code, numbered registar, or appearance of the customer it was supposedly sold to. i just don't. inform yourself. i only will provide "east of the mississippi" to wetten your tastebuds. i have yet to read her books-- though i hear she is an author that has the abilty to really pull the readers in.
• two weddings this weekend. saturday afternoon. sunday evening. my tan lines are in the wrong spots but that can be worked on. the celebrations will be beautiful, i am sure. they are both for friends. i am not in either, which is kind of a nice change from last year. i get to watch and witness and be present on a day that will not be forgotten for the rest of their lives. sunday's is for a good friend from high school. we kept in touch casually throughout the college years and when i was supposed to meet this guy (whom she is now marrying) for the first time-- i accidently slept through our planned breakfast. i have yet to live it down. she recently told me that he still randomly asked if he'll ever get to met to friend who stood us up. only a couple more days buddy. of course, he won't actually remember because he'll totally be enamored with the fact that he is in the process of marrying a stunning women, a hot volleyball player, and a super teacher to little ones and older a like. saturday's will be lovely. i recall meeting with this one as she spoke with such grace about the man who she allowed her heart to open to in vulrability. i remember the words that were cloaked in confidence. i can envision now the sparkles in her smitten eyes. they will be neat displays that i get to witness. i hope my shoes are confortable.
• i am going back to roundish nails.
• look up, the sky is amazing.

Tonight's dissection ritual

“Real fruit filling“ that is not REAL at all. A Sunburn I am excited about. Sweat must be a part of life, right? The sparkly round big fireworks. Small rapids that I wish were much larger. Knuckle wrinkles. Beef jerky. ALCO vests. Piercing eyes. Surreal-meeting-up-with-Tyler-and-others-event, (Tyler= a fellow weekend hang-out-er from pre and early high school, who grew up and now is not shorter than me, and does cool computery stuff in some southern state. His jet plane left. Weird.) James returned from Brazil. (No stories yet, he was delirious from sleep deprivation. Instead, we all sat about and enjoyed the invention of catch phrase and each other. Oh, funny and fun.) Tattoos. Routine and routine interruption. Water. Cold foot, hot foot. Non-acetone. Dedication. Worthy Numb3rs. Make-out scenes. Christmas in July. Long applications. Bad posture. Long cords. The clearance gun that makes me believe I truly am a super power-- in fact, just call me… let me know. “Green Ticket” doesn’t sound as super power-y as I would like to be. Scrubs. “Life’s calling…” Nutty bars. Amazing Cliff bars. I am making no sense, that is, I don’t think I am. I am not really trying to be messy and random and chaotic with my thoughts, but that is the way they are rushing out. Someday I will look back on the notes taken from life that I jotted down on this fine day and I will write another great classic that will steal the adventurous hearts and minds of the young and old a like. I haven’t written a classic- others have. I am attemping to clarify thee “another” but whatever-- maybe I already have written the classic and “another” does refer to hard work of my behalf. Believe what it is, you will.) Yup. Ok, so I like the sunburn but my shins hurt slightly. I don’t bite my nails any longer and I am trying the squareish look for a change. Round was nice. Actually, I am just trying to figure out an appropriate length and such-- because I have realized that since I am not qnawing them off I better do something with them. Long talons with stars was my first idea. It is not a big deal, but it is a deal. Reunions. So, I think I have to plan ours. It is July and yeah. My graduating class numbered 63 individuals and I know of a larger handful that are in the area so it is not really a huge issue but, I’m not sure… really, I have to get a hold of another one of our “class leaders”-- we really didn’t know that this reunion responsibility would fall on our shoulders when we were ‘up for election.’ Anyways, I have to check and see this week because if we didn’t have one that would be a bit sad. It is really crazy to think that I have been out of high school for five years. It sort of went quite fast--that is my opinion, today. Ha. This prose is total like Rice Krispies and Fruit Loops and Lucky Charms and Granola-- all mixed together. I’d pick out the marshmallow rainbows, if I were reading it. I would consume those first-- then I would opt to devour a chunk of sweetened oats. Delicious.

do you snore?

it's ok. don't feel obligated to reply. so, i hope you are sleeping. you are right, i am not-- but i still hope you are. the day was good. just returned to the cabin in the woods, sheesh. i bought a great dress for cheap that i plan on going dancing in really soon... now that the dancing rules are no longer held by a paper covenant and i have allowed ample time to adjust to the idea of clubing and such. no scuzzy grinding. no other scarey sexually implied stuff. and comfortable shoes; required. those are my rules. and i'll have to wait a bit for the shoes-- colorful secquinned flats called my name while we were out today and these clear heels that have light sensors-- but i bid my farewell with a tear nestled in the corner of my eye.*** we had malts at annie's parlor. which is an amazing place, in dinkytown-- minneapolis. our waiter seriously looked like some stalion from a romance novel. for real. that was not my comment to begin with, but after it was spoken i had a hard time getting the idea out of my mind. he was a good waiter, for real.*** i think i am going to bed... but not quite yet. i am reading a book about the donner party. it is so good. the snowy passage. that might be the title. i can't quite visiulize it. i like true stories, or based on true events-- those types of books, movies, etc. intrique me.*** note to self: fear placed in corrective position.*** oh, gosh. jade lost a tooth yesterday evening. i was helping sage in the bathtub when the news fist arrived. he was upset. (he has lost quite a few and they aren't growing in fast enough for him.) so, he was kind of a bloody mess. i was trying to get him something to soak up a bit of the blood while keeping an eye on the mermaid in the bathtub who was lying in the water with a wet washcloth over her face while holding her breath... it was crazy for just a couple moments. than jade left. my attention was focused once agian. minutes pass. JASMINE... JASMINE... i told him to come back downstairs and talk to me. "ilostmytoothitsbetweenthestoveandthefridge." what? "mytoothisbetweenthestoveandthefridgeandicantgetitout." well, he is not a toothfairy believer so it was fetched out after his head hit the pillow. but i am still kind of laughing about the entire event. hmmm.*** i was thinking about only writing on this thing during the T days. but seeing that it is the end of one S day and the beginning of another and the fingers are scurying about in attempt to find proper letter keys... yup. i changed my mind. *** the afternoon. that shop holds style in the palm of its hands. ***ok. now it is bedtime. and my eyes are getting h e a v i e r.

thanks for the summertime

no. i did not run this morning. that was for all of you who care. i care. i care that i didn't run. so now awaits the plauging questions-- that asks if i really care or if i just think it is appropriate to care, so i pretend i do. i think i really care. but, i have yet to completely convince myself.*** conversations. today: wow. *i had a conversation about "religion". I HATE RELIGION. it seems some only know jesus in that 'context' though... so the conversing was neat. really neat. i like it when truth is shared and all who encounter it are kind of taken back because well... i like it when god is god and that is clear. the conversation danced about that and settled once agian on simply that god is god. *during a different part of the work day-- a recent h.s. grad was sharing dreams that have seemingly been stored up for a long time. that experience was a needed reminder of being so very focused-- of being about what youre about and that period. times like those are ones that speak of faith rather than present situations.*** i am giving the loaner car back tomarrow. what a ride. you could hear harsh words flow from my questioning self throughout the process and sometimes still, yet god is lord over the vehicle situation if his actually is lord over me... so yeah.*** sage is singing something unrecognizable. (jade's younger sister whom has a stutter and lisp and is precious.) thursday... once agian-- and i sign off.

taste of completion

i like it. a lot. i finished. now i just must wait for others to complete a process that i hear, usually takes a fair amount of time. (i hope they get to bite into a hunk of completion soon. because that would be nice, for everyone involved.) two posts, in a day. i might say that is a bit overboard. hmm. nice story of being stranded on the side of the road though... no, let's talk more so about birthdays, because well, even if you don't live in america, i do. for this day, at least. so, it is a celebration is case you are wondering.

red, white, and blue all over the place

sort of. i ate my share of flag cookies from the grocery store. and i am wearing a red tank top-- let the festivities begin... jade was over for the weekend. he has this horn that he bought from a vender during the oshkosh excursion. so brave emma lit fireworks in it. jade would squel and run about uncontrolably, than inform us of his "gun powder" smelling horn, by shoving the dirty thing in our faces. oh-my-pretend-little-brother. i was able to share my insight with the kid; if you swallow the black watermelon seeds, they will truly start to grow within... i countered all of his supposed objections. "nutrients from the soil" 'we are living individuals whom eat. think about all of the nutrients that we consume on a daily basis. just think.' "oxygen" 'what do you think comes in when you open your mouth to speak, or eat, or laugh loudly?' "sunlight" 'same reponse jade. and that is why sometimes it take a long time for them to grow.' ((my dad buldged out his stomach, so this boy could see what may happen.)) "how come you don't have one jas" 'i don't swallow the black ones...' he than took a bunch of black seeds and swallowed them. i told him that i would meet him agian on july 3, 2006-- if indeed he hadn't exploded at that time (how many watermelons can grow in a ten year olds body before something serious happens?)... the rest of the night was followed with "tell me it isn't true"... 'you should probably just drink a lot of water and next time consider trusting me'*** i watched the 7-3 fireworks from the roof last night. there was a bat up there and only one firefly. my mom came up, the bat knocked her in the head. i am glad she didn't fall from the ridgepole-- like ann. mom walked it, i was impressed.*** james is coming back from brazil on saturday. robyn likes to remind me. it is good.*** no more blogishness for now. continue on, my friends.