in honor of thursday.

quotes of the day, according to the two little flip-things we have found in various places throughout the house, various days throughout the month. sometimes. and usually, one can be found on the kitchen table and the other in the office, quite respectively. 1) "Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves, but deal in our privacy with the last and honest truth." Ralph Waldo Emerson. 2) "We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails." Someone Somewhere.
*****i went on a long walk in the woods this evening with robyn. we found my big rock. we almost didn't. i used to go down there when i was little. 8, 9, 10- yeah, when the woods was slightly scary, but i ventured out despite the risk of bears... the rock. it is massive. well. so, i envision it to be much like the famous titanic iceberg. i envision it to be much beyond the fair-sized sitting rock. much beyond. i would take it with me to heaven if i could. really. *discussions amongst the swaying tall leafed ones. spiders webs to scream about. shadowed colors. a great leg work-out... i want to say it was refreshing. but that would be a lie. it was exhausting. it was exhausting in the best way ever though. thee best way.
*****i was in awe. i sat in a dirt parking lot until 2am and witnessed the start and conclusion of a mighty storm. we twirled in the sprinkles. yes, danced in the rain. and set ourselves semi-comfortably in sarah's car with the sun roof available to peer upwards. our eyes hurt. the lightning was breathtaking. the wild winds that blew the hard rains across the parking lot, provide the illusion that the vehicle sat on top of the ocean. we wondered if the tornado might be right next to us. wow. i liked that a lot. and yes, chatting with sarah is a beautiful expeirence. i think i want to be like terry and be a storm watcher for real. terry even has a big sticker on the car to prove it-- and she notifies the weatherman when they are peering at the screens... she notifies them of what is really occurring. i just want the sticker. i want to take hers. she would know it was me.
*****((simply a question for the gentleman and ladies alike. topic: dating. relationships. does the guy pursue? does the girl wait? does the girl pursue? does the guy wait? or do you think "this" ideology is screwed up? a wink is passed by one, and if a smirk is offered... than the race is on? or do you think this ideology is screwed up? one lays at the foot of the bed of another, and if the 'forced entry' is "excused"... than time in the bed together comes? or do you think this ideology is screwed up? anyways. that was a lot of questions. i want to know thoughts/ opinions/ ideas. if you have actually read this far- comment- because i want to know. and you don't even have to let your identity be known. emma? seriously. ok. enough with the desperate pleas. and i'll tell you what i think, believe, have found to be true. soonish.))
oh. and the car is back into totaled status. the insurance people can't make up their mind. it is kind of annoying. i hope this is their "final answer." meanwhile, the loaner has those moving seatbelts. those are so weird.
the cities are calling to me. tomorrow eve. i am on the edge of ecstatic.

blue # 3. read on if you care to.

blue things.

blue number one. blue paint. i am making bubbles. blue bubbles. i have never been fond of scrap-booking. don't ask me to like it. i won't. i will try to be nice to you if you or your mom is into pre-cut pastel "artsy" designs. goodness, i will be nice already. just let me make my own design from bold colors and various shades... whatever. i ran into a girl from my graduating class at boyceville. we rode the same bus, and bonded over lisa frank and hard math problems. anyways, she is going to have baby shower shortly, but her grandma needed help with the invitations so, "hey, you enjoy paint and such..." needless to say, i was recruited. she totally sponge-painted these ducks on the fount... from cutting up a normal scrubbing sponge from wal-mart. i was impressed. of course i couldn't say 'no' to an independent, inventive project such as the one i just happened to run into. and this girl, is lovely. i missed her. i wondered about her. and i am now so glad i ran into her. yes, blue bubbles all over the place. that was the request, and i am trying my best to offer a good follow-through. they look good. you are invited. i don't exactly know when it is, but it will be for a connorsville new one. by the way, connorsville kids are totally going to take over the world. don't take "by the way's" lightly._____
blue number two. blue water. emma choose to be baptized sunday evening. it was a beautiful sight. as she spoke words of hope, her tears displayed how real god was/is in her life-- in changing her, and building her, and now in her display to live out her faith. "i am totally ready. 100%." i shuddered as i listened to the words that came tumbling out of her depth. i shudder because i know that great opposition often comes at the doors of those who throw out all but jesus in their lives. i shudder because i am so stinkin' proud of her, but now a new sense of responsibly has come upon me. i can not be lax in my prayers for my sister. i shudder because i remember clearly the soon after hours, the days, the months. i recall the newness and the attentiveness that had. so, yeah. the water was blue. and. a good friend's fiance opted to jump in at the last moment. that alone was worth the trip into town. holly told me afterwards that she and him had been discussing the biblical implications for a while, and to no one's prior notification he decided the hour could wait not one longer. so, holly helped and in her jeans, she was a soggy mess. but those messes are what it is all about. emma's surrender. nat's surrender. the water was blue.______
blue number three. blueness. amber is away. it hits me when i look at this picture. i was with her. we were with her. now we are not. now i am not. so the picture is of amber heading home again to boston.(LtoR) emma has a studded belt. it is harmless though. unless, you dry it in the dryer and throw it at someone. painful? probably. amber has a great knee wrinkle on her right side. if i had a camera and was looking at this image, i would zoom in right there. and yes, you would see it on a billboard advertisement. for real. but alas, i was not standing where my mother was. and hi. that one is me. if i would have know you would be looking at this i might have opened my eyes. apparently, my count was off. hm. it appears big duffel has his tags still on from her arrival. i don't know. that is the way it appears though... and mr. toolbox. my dad is sorting through his massive collection of tools and is preparing his girls for flat-tires and such. nice man. amber's was even equipped with a needle-nose pliers. i checked. ---and hear is some blueness sent to wi. from mass. via phone line. amber's pitbull, drummer, and another pitbull were in a fight. might i mention right here, that drummer was and is a great dog. great, meaning yes, i hung out with him-- and i like him. he is a dog and i like him a lot. amber was at work and i am not going to share the whole tale, right here this instance because i should get back to those bubbles-- but he had to have surgery and now amber is having to make some pretty big decisions.____i think i will be done with the blue thing now. done.

Perhaps another greeting to Mr. H.

good morning

• a strawberry-banana-nectarine smoothie was made by the blender and now it is being consumed. wow. essentially, it is the 'taste of summer.'
• emma is in montana, and my parents went on another weekend excursion. they're plans were, madeleine island. i want to be traveling. i want to be off somewhere living out of my suitcase. that's ok. it will come... right now i have two dollars in the pocket of yesterday's jeans, and my vehicle's tank is on empty. i really hope they have fun. really. i have to sort some more stuff today, a project that i started but have yet to finish. tonight, when i crawl into bed it will be good to finally have it done. That's my goal. it will happen.
• final negotiations bring the car that i hit the deer with into not totaled status. they are going to work hard and fix it this next week though. i pay 250ish and get it back into the condition of when i first got it, minus the mileage. That's a good deal. and i am convinced that insurance is a good thing.
• Current. minnesota's public radio station plays incredible music. i like it a lot. in fact all of the radios throughout the house are now tuned into 89.3 fm. and they provide good independent news. what could be better than that?
• it looks like i may be going back into full time cna work. i am ok with it. i called some places yesterday and will be filling out applications on monday. nothing else had surfaced and the leads that i have made in the direction of the y/ss degree have hired someone with more schooling or with more experience. if i am able to work a 6-2 shift than i could perhaps volunteer for the runaway help lines or do something in which my core weeps about... relationships at the shop are amazing. i do not regret my time there, the people i have met, or the lessons that have piled into my lap. if you are coming to western wisconsin in hopes to land a great job and save some green, best wishes-- but perhaps you may want to seek employment elsewhere.
• within this last week i have both seen the goodness of god and felt it was striped. i walked into a depressive hole and did not see it coming. i believed lies. but, whatever. it doesn't matter. because i am seemingly experiencing the highs and lows of life, does not mean that there is not any stability in who i am. there is solid rock stability because i serve a faithful one. so yeah, the winds are blowing. but i cried out in all seriousness for the opportunity and privledge to see the lord for who he truly is. and allowing the "winds to blow" is part of that. if everything was still, i would not know the stability of my friend, the creator and savior. that is this week for ya.
• how are you? for real.

217: a did you know.

today, i decided to trust this guy at work. we were putting out freight. having a simple conversation about canned food products. pudding in a can. vegtables in a can. soup in a can. "soup" must have triggered campbell's. for he proceeded to share his insightful knowledge. "there are 217 noodles in a can of campbell's chicken noodle." i stared in disbelief. he went on to state that his source was reliable (some fancy learning program, from some fancy network station). so. i am going to trust him. 217. that sounds ok to me. well, at least i am not going to count today... besides, i don't think the cupboard is concealing any campbell's. so, did you know that? __ bethany is my friend. check her little notes out. let your eyes scan to the right of the screen... bjb. and, if you are reading this i'll bet you are my friend as well (er, i hope so). if you would like, i can add your initials which would in essence be a linkage to a public space of your own on thing crazy www. if you would like. let me know.___ bensonwells is singing to me. that is the name of my cousin's band. i enjoy the music, but i am bias. i think i would still enjoy the music if i was being completely objective. yes. i would. use a search engine of your choosing, they are out there. i can already envision sharp designs protraying images that benifit R.Paul, D.Lee, G.Lemon, I.Kremer. i can envision vip passes for shows in large forgein cities. yeah. check them out.

tomato guts oozing

...snap. ooze. tastebuds somewhat approve. the little tiny tomatoes that you are able to fit into your mouth using only a small buldge of your cheek pocket. i usually like them. this evening i do.__ new topic. the car. i walked in the front door this evening, after pausing by the vehicle to see if the Yuck smeared upon the window was washed off from the rain. (yes, i drove around throughout the weekend with it on. my dad thought it would be worthwhile evidence and that the insurance people should see it. i agreed. though it reminded me of the death act i was involved in.) it was. washed off. inside the house, i trotted about asking about the days that my parents were a part of, and ingaged in a bit of usual greeting chatter. than with solom-ness spread over my very self, i approach the question i was waiting for an answer to since 12:39 saturday morning about. "what next?" (with the vehicle as the underlined subject to which the question stems from.) dad went on to state matter-of-factly that the car was totaled. i denied it, as i reminded him that i drove it home that night. now, i understand a bit about cars. a bit. not a lot. a bit. so really i was just playing dumb because if i would have truly paused to scope out the damage and the figured body-shop costs... i would have put it together the way the body shop people and the insurance agent and my father put it together-- i just did not have time to calculate yet. yeah. i asked dad if this was a good thing. totaled. "yes, jas-- and i will tell you why." and he did. i could smile after that. until i asked him if he thought the deer was really actually dead. "yes." than i did not smile for a bit. you probably don't care whether i killed a four legged prancing beast at all (i am not refering to avery this time). BUT the next time your eyes are drawn and fixated upon the rotting flesh on the side of the road-- you might care then. i am just saying you might care, because the image and stench is hard to erase for at least several long minutes. thats all. im just saying. don't cry for me. don't cry about the chunks of fur. whatever. don't cry.__ whatelse? i stopped in a camp last week and two of my campers from 6 years ago now came running up and hollering my name. it was really good. neat, to be reminded about the impact of an individual. it was wonderful to reconnect with these former jr.high loudies, whom are now beautiful ladies yearning to know moreso who god is.__ speaking of impact... i was looking through yearbooks last night. yearbooks from high school and from college. i thought about people as i recalled conversations about dreams and life and current situations with those persons. i prayed. i laughed. i wondered. and i thought about the imapct that they had upon my life. it was something that i hope to never pack to far away in my brain-- i want to always be thankful for the sharing of someones life with my own. good and crazy, crazy good. *bedtime. therefore, i will scamper. right now. night all. i hope the dreams aren't too scary with the roadkill talk.

***

my mind wandered in and out of the following thoughts: the supposed bbq that i was coming from wasn't really a bbq at all for me because i got there late and we sat around and laughed and played poker__ awkward moments throughout the evening that were truely worth it when new interactions between individuals were made__ the lyrics of the green day song that i really like showed up on the radio and it brought along its music__ the rodeo people who were camping in glenwood- i hoped their bodies weren't too sore. HELLO SALLY. the deer ran out, and yes, i smucked it. let me calmly notify you... "I am alive." i was involved in the proper driving techniques for a winding country road, when the moon is up and the sun is not. but yeah. the car's clock said 11:37, but it was really 12:39. i had to make speacial note in case i was to make some offical record of this event. the rest to the evening i wrestled with the idea of being a killer. it was ridiculous but i seriously kept replaying the run-in and i asked my dad if we could go out and shoot him because if he wasn't dead, i was sure he was wishing that he was. no, we did not go out with a gun. yes, i let my dad stay in bed. no, the car isn't crushed. yes, it has a bit of a dent and there is fur and grossness stuck and smeared on places i wish is was not. the end. so, it is sunny out. i was out ealier mowing and playing. i am going to feast upon musk mellow and left-over grad. cake and watch some movie that mom recommended. it is saturday. live it up already!

sarah christine

this is my beautiful friend who died in july of 2003. today i will write a little ditty that concerns her. wednesday, june 15th was her birthday. last year i wasn't home on her birthday so i didn't really hit me... ok. um. honestly, my thoughts concern my friend, and stem from various expeirences that i have had with her and her family, but it is more so the way God turned my focus. does this make sense?___ there is a time to grieve, but there is a time to move on as well. i have been sucking my thumb and crawling up to God's lap since the hour i heard- which is totally fine and approriate at times. however, it was very clear to me, just two days ago, that it was time for me to remove the thumb from my mouth. my thoughts had driffed to death topics-- and they will again. but the focus now must be upon the breath that is being inhaled and exhaled. i won't forget her. i can't. but life. abundant life. is calling. i must respond. *have a really good one. i am applying for yet another job. ha. and... i think i will wear my madi-gras mask around the house today. or maybe in the car when i go to water those darn plants. im not sure. i will wear it though. the colorful feathers want to showcase my eyes. whatever. i shouldn't speak for the mask. enough.

monday, monday.

im listening to m.ward, and it is wonderful. i also have a fresh piece of gauze in the place of my recently extracted wisdom tooth. in fact, if i begin sharing nonsense-- it is because of huge pink pills i was recommended from the man who's profession i will never envy. never ever.__ a lot has happened within the number of hours that i was not logged into this page... i think the best way to go about explaining may be the following. i hope it is the following. and you have already received the disclaimer that i could fade at any time so... read on if you wish. it will be random. * the interview went well. it is a live-in caregiver position for the weekends... they want me, but at present they don't have clients. weird. shady. so, no i do not have another job yet. but i will if they call. *emma's party was on saturday. tornados touched down in several towns right around. (wiped out 22 houses.) locations nearby had thunderstorms and sheets of downpour. it was sunny at our home. light breeze-- seemingly perfect for a large gathering. my face sort of hurt from passing out grins-- but they were genuine so the endorphins kept me going... it was nice to catch up with so many. it was nice to love on people, and let them love on me. it was a dessert buffet, so we have left over sugary morsels and heaps of fruit. lovely. *amber and i went out that night. we went to a show and had a couple drinks. drinking slowly is a smart thing if you are consuming on an empty stomach. i wasn't smart. we were leaving because the music wasn't pleasing in our opinions, but what i was currently holding tasted so good. too good to just set down when we were planning to scamper. yeah, dumb. i was dumb. and yes, i quickly realized. the night went on, i ran into fun people i knew- and now know agian. that was nice. it was nice to hang out with my sister. and be real with her. real, that i love jesus. real, that i sometimes enjoy heavy, crazy, mad music. real, that i like a 'white russian' when it is mixed right. *sunday morning. i went to the young adults sunday school. it is good. honestly, i am really happy that initiative is being taken among my peers. that excites me. *for a while now... God has been breaking me down. he has been taking me through crappy pride issues- and frankly, i know he is not done yet. he has been sorting out some assumptions that i have made about christian living. he has been reestablishing truth into the core and center and priority of what i am about and what i seek. i am seeing more clearly these days that the screaming that i have been about has been in vain. perhaps, not it its entirety simply because it has lead me to where i stand this hour. i have been screaming. passionate words about the injustice of fellow persons made in the likeness and beauty of his very self. i have been screaming to myself. i have been screaming to the trees. to the pillow. i weep uncontrollable when i peer at the intriuqte detail of a shiny beetle. yet, i speak harshly about the ways of the western pew-dweller. i plead that i will shine brightly, but rarely do i put forth effort that is life and death dependent. jesus christ was sent by god in order that the world may be set free from the cords of sin, that entangling so darn easily. FREEDOM TO DANCE INTIMATELY WITH THEIR HOLY CREATOR. not, simply so jasmine may have this nice conclusion as to the way the world works. no. yes, i am invited into the holy of holies so i too may see and know this God, this creator, this lover, this saver. it is so much more than, about my plans for the day or week, or year. it is about more than, what guy i am attracted to. more than, my successes- more than my failures. more than, screaming just to scream. so, through all of this-- God has not changed. he is just still in the buisness of changing the hearts and minds of persons who turn to him and allow the smidgen of faith they are able to muster up and ask that he again simply be God. i have been offering my smidgen of faith. and he is still good and he is still God. *i watched "bring it on" with emma today. i kind of wanted to be a cheerleader. i kind still do. *amber is in the air. yup, right now. flying to her home. *a major community leader in boyceville died when a vehicle hit him while he was on his bike. he has a couple kids. his wife is the elementary principal. this family is hurting. this community is hurting. ...things change- just like that... *i watered the plants at one of the house-sitting homes today. jolene, too bad you can't see me now. i am growing up. it has been a long time since the cheeto foliage... oh, gosh-- and i changed my oil. well. my dad has showed me how about 4 times now, i still don't get it- so i took it to a place where the guys with grease deep under their nails are friendly. they changed it. but i got a sticker in my window and it makes me happy. so now are you due for an oil change, or... have you checked your oil level lately? i hear it is a good thing to be at least somewhat conscious of. bye. continue on, ok?

i wasn't going to write.

but, i changed my mind. (didn't what you to be disappointed bethany b.) it is late. or really early. perspectives... anyways. amber is coming home. actually, her plane supposedly landed in the cities on wednesday-- yeah, she is doing the 'friend mingling' prior to greeting her own blood-kin. i am just excited. excited to she her. and hug her. and hear her stories. and see her new tattoo that she is quite happy about. saturday is emma's big 'ol bash for her recent departure from high school. she has been getting all the mail. it has come to the point where i appreciate receiving bills-- just so i can start a stack of my own for the week. yes, it is a contest. emily. emily. oh-big-fat-one-for emily. james and karen. james. emily. oh, how i so subtly complain. of course, there have been times when i've received heaps of mail-- and pretty soon i just don't open them because i am sick of ripping the envelope that was purposfully sealed. actually, i am happy for emma. and thankful for all of these willing to "sacrifice" a stamp to congratulate. her smile is brilliant.___ tonight i watched 'secret window' with my dad. i have seen it before. it is a good amount of scary for me. i thought, "just in case, i get too freaked out-- he is in the room with me." this reasoning worked fine until, he started snoring really loudly. i laughed. then, i called to him. he woke up and decided to trot of to bed. i love that man. i was just fine watching the remaining bit in the dark by myself. (yes. i am still awake. but it has nothing to do with that...)__what to discuss with a screen that blares light alone, in the wee hours of the morning?__ the boys kept spraying old, stinky, colone and snazzy new guys' deodorant at the shop today. seriously. it is bad, i try to be stern and somewhat authorative with them when things could-soon-be-out-of-hand, but i end up cracking up. well. they are hilarious. "yes, it totally smells like my grandpa." "ooh. yeah. i like that one." "for real. stop spraying them. i have to be over here for awhile and i can already feel the on-set of a headache." "leave. now." by the conclusion of the entire ordeal, this was my only remark to the recent h.s. male grads who work at the shop: "i smell like a boy." i waved goodbye. they laughed, and continued to laugh.__ i went running. dusk. i thought i would see some deer. nope. only avery weaving throughout the tall ditch grass. he kind of prances like a fawn though. prancing dog. you could not even deny it if you saw him.__ i am leaving. consistency is grand isn't it? until a couple days from now... maybe.

the acoustic atmosphere

im not sure what exactly occured today that suddenly changes all of my previous ravings about acoustic cafes... but what i know for sure, at this point, is that i will not enter into the shop on the corner of main and hwy 25 without a moment of rememberance tossed towards this day. it really isn't a big deal. i should just drop it already. i will. i guess i will.__ a man was painting at the next table over. with oil. on little canvas slabs. he had all of these funky metal objects that he kept digging into his work with. i suppose it was to make it better. and supposed it did make it better. i am not really sure. i wrote. and looked about. and ate my tomato florintine. then left because i was disgusted. not about the soup. not about the painting. i took my lemonade and bid farewell to my new painting friend. anyways. i will probably go back. to acoustic's. just not over the lunch hour.__ i wasn't scheduled to work today. that was odd. the district manager is coming tomarrow so it was only recovery today. i am sure it was a mad house over there.__ i am going into the cities on friday to see about a job. there is this place that wants live-in caregivers. i would quit the other job, and just do the live-in thing on the weekends. it pays well. and i'd be with people. and i would have time to write. it will be hard when they die or when i have to go... but at least it wouldn't be saying goodbye to forty people, and at least you could count on five people not passing away in one week. that will be friday that i get to hear more about the entire possible situation.__ i heard about this amazing juice. it is called Xango. you can read more about it if you go to this link. www.mymangosteen.com i plan on trying it as soon as i have a chunk of money that isn't quite spoken for. i wonder if it is really as wonderful for your body as they make it sound?__ i jumped on the trampoline with my little friends today. maston. debbie. i like you. and my legs feel healthy because you kept asking me to play and i decided to go for it.__ i am reading crime and punishment. i like the form. long sentences that start you with one emotion but leave you wrestling with another. the plot- i am getting into it.__ two families asked me to house-sit for a couple weeks coming up. well, since your in town... "sure. i'll do it. it is not a problem at all. just let me know the specifics about the dog and the fish and the lawn and the plants and whatever else you have that is in need of support while you are off dancing in the south." house-sitting. thats cool right? i don't know. if i ever move out of my parent's place. (maybe i should stay. they treat me pretty decent. and i am entitled to at least one balanced meal a day.) i might just live in the car. for real. park it in well-lit areas and get the needed r.e.m., but besides that- i don't really need a place. the car has a roof. if i run out of books i could just drive to a book shop and get at it. i even have cup holders. my glass of water has a higher chance of being spilt on the kitchen table than when it sits in the holder. see, no need for a kitchen table, no need for a house. if my car is messy, my posse could always attend gatherings on the hood... enough. whatever. "yes. i will house-sit. and i will even be nice to your dog... if he's nice to me."

a delicate one, that i was obviously too forceful with.

getting out of bed

some friends of mine have started a young adults sunday school. i had planned to get up for it. i didn't. usually, i enjoy going to church-- but this morning i had rather not peel open my eyelids. the dog started barking-- so i reluctantly climbed out and let him frolic in the great wilderness, while i rushed back to the warm covers and my dream (i was having a good one). i slept for another bit. then i just laid there. i did not want to go to church. the verse about not giving up meeting together-- came to my mind. i dismissed it. a thought about betty showing up and looking for me took over, but i justified it by reminding myself that one should not come in to a "holy place" simply to look about and see if their friends are in attendence. i closed my eyes and felt the pillow taking shape around my head. then i opened my eyes. i looked out the windows. the green-ness on every tree i could spot was shaking and dancing about. another thought came to my mind. the trees were worshiping. the voiceless trees still offered praise. rational thinking took over and i wondered about the great breeze that the weatherman must have made an announcement about. i laid there. breeze or praise, praise or breeze. well if it was praise they were readily offering to their maker, i will not pass up a moment longer to stand with them and declare truth. declare that god is holy and good and righteous... ever if my will would rather submit to a dream and a pillow. so i went to church and than potluck. i loved jesus with others, and i still love jesus with others-- though they are scattered throughout the world and i am not within two feet of some of them at this time. the leaves are still and quiet now. for real. out the window i look. --- and the dizziness has departed. i turned down the job offer. the looking continues. i am not worried. and libby and darren had a baby girl on friday night. eden elizabeth. beautiful. im out. today i get to budget and clean and write and look for more jobs and talk with melissa.

light headed

i had a blue rasberry dum-dum on the way to work today. i didn't think about the blue tounge until i checked my teeth in the mirror. blue lips, blue teeth, blue tounge. i than guzzled some water and popped in a strawberry one- to down play the horrified looks i was now anticipating from my elders. for the first hour i was just fine; however, those to follow were bad. (i don't blame the dum-dums...but...) i was dizzy and way hot. i was sweaty but my arms felt chilled. i was walking zombie-ish. i couldn't just leave because i was the only one in softlines. but one of the guys came over from hardlines, and helped me straighten the fabric. we laughed about the theraputic magic of cotton. i left when another could replace me. i made some soup and laid down for a bit. i watched "swing kids" while under a quilt. and now im doing computer stuff. so here i am. i feel numb. it is as if the world and all of it's activities are passing before me. like i have to yell in order to break back into reality. it is weird. i don't hurt-- i am just chilly, and slightly light headed, at present. once i fainted at work, my freshman year of college-- i am glad that did not occur today.

my dear friend, Thursday.

i am eating hamburger. it has been a long time since i had meat. i am reminded that i like it. cow-- i like to eat you. yummy. you'll be glad i found out about watergate today. i feel like a smartie. shawn, from work shared his intellect. i listened, and questioned, and listened some more. watergate, oh watergate-- why? (i still like deep and throat put together- although it would be a horrible nickname.) i had the interview. basically if i want it im pretty much in. now im not sure though... it turns out to be only a part time thing. i don't know if i am willing to switch my timeclock around for a part time. i have thought about a lot of various options for right this instant, but just when i want to be willing to do whatever to pay up this money stuff-- i remember that money doesn't really matter... and that people do. so yeah. im not really sure. i want all day to write and take cool pictures (GET A CAMERA ALREADY.- im working on that part-- but i always see really incredible images and wish that it was able to be captured) and meet people but now is not the time-----. i am remembering to live today. the interview guy and i, laughed about country music. it is funny because i don't really like it-- but i do. it was playing on the school bus for all years that i rode and somehow it is engraved-- along with the ABC's and geometery. my roots= country music. funny. oh and i saw betty. she is back in menomonie. we ate dilly bars and just were together for a hunk out of this day. it was really really good... she's amazing. ya'll just need to meet her. (aparently my country-ness is oozing out.) and. i bought the 3 ninjas dvd today. yes, thursdays are the best.

deep throat

(i like those couple of words together. do you?) anyways. i don't get it. i don't really understand the watergate thing. i tryed to in high school when it was first supposedly explained, but even now, i just don't get it... but i read two long articles today about mr. deep throat, in effort to better clue myself into what many others simply stow away as a underlined historical event that took place in america. reading them makes me feel informed-- but i still don't quite get it. perhaps i will be enlightened while my eyes are shut and im in a horizontal position. hmmm. oh, but so do you get it? (in case, my dreams don't provide insight...) night.