drizzle.

just today.

i started work at four this morning. it is nearly four in the afternoon. i am more hungery than anything though, the last thing i ate was at 10:30. i should probably eat, eh? i have ho-ho's in the car._______________

the stars couldn't be seen this morning. the car was snowy and when i looked up, the sky still had cloud residue. beautiful cloud residue._______________

so, i am moving. most of you know. i think. i hope. it came really quickly. but i do believe it is good and fine and wonderful. simply pick up and head out, i am not sure when another lovely risk will come my way such as this so, i am planning on taking it. i am heading to CO. jolene lives there right now. yes, brad-- same place you were at. i might learn to ski. i'm not sure. it is colorado... i will run where i can see mountians in the near distance. that will be nice. so, yeah- walking through the open doors. yup. are you? i will continue to try to do so._______________

read jude yesterday. isn't jude an interesting word.________________

i am going to the opening of narnia with mom and dad, maybe emma, perhaps jade and sage-- anyways- i enjoy c.s. lewis' work very much, but i actually never read the chronicals of narnia. really. i sort of feel guilty. not really. i am just saying that. maybe i should though. stop! would you like to start a book club here and now? ha. im not going to join. but if you would like to inform me on your take on character development, plot, or story line- ill hear you out. (reading it now)____________
ok. be thankful. weither you are feasting upon bird with family, or not. "wink"- in departure, this afternoon.

cheerios in the morning

i am still eating them... the cheerios. steven kellog's (i think i mispelled his surname), book Cordina was plastered to the fount of the box. and so i peeled off the enclosed-in-plastic-paperbook and proceeded to read the tale. the story is about a cow following what she loves to do-- Cordina dances... she finds herself in manhattan trying to pursue her desires. i am not telling anymore. you must go and find your own copy. check cub, midway down the aisle, eye-level to the 5' individual.____________i applied for a non-profit job that does sheltering/ housing programs for youth whom are currently homeless. it's in chicago. so, hmmm._____one gentleman punched me hard right in the middle of my chest. (this happened on the unit at work) it is interesting though because there is an ongoing joke around nursing homes and facilties simliar about "the full moon." seriously, though-- it is when behaviors and combativeness increases. blame is always placed on the full moon._____spent the night with shandi on friday. we tried getting her and D's massive screen/ projector to work- but alas it didn't happen. instead i walked her through the myspace.com process. here's a shout out for myspace.com -it is fun. so, just get an account already. Tom and i will be your friend, and no worries, there will be others. shandi made me a beautiful dish that her chef friend taught her- and yes, i forgot the name again. it is lovely though. we laughed and just were. it was nice. D's in germany until tuesday- so in a way it felt like we were in the dorms again. ___________saint paul:8-5 yesterday i had the CPR/PR class to take. it was long and boring. i attempted to be positive about it, but it was still long and boring. i did have a great partner. i want to call him sinclaire, but i don't think that is right. oh dear. it was just funny because he was doing the skills well, but than he'd breath way strong into the infant and the entire room could hear his breath- and we'd all crack up about rupturing the lungs. it would not funny at all but in training on annies it make for wonderful midday humor. he didn't want to do the hand thrusts on the back of the infant because it was a baby. and yes, he finally did but you could tell it took a lot out of him. if my child were choking, i would trust "sinclaire" to clear his airway. he is coming to rescue you world!_____tj maxx has some great clearances, i think the arrival of christmas time has beckoned the workers to move more tables with pretty material stuff out. oh, and peir one is wearing a christmas glaze. it might make you smile to enter their doors. _________went to see 'walk the line' with bethany, mark, jordan, becky and ezra. we came during the previews and it was fairly packed, so we didn't get to sit together, but the flim was worth viewing. and seeing those guys was good. becky is starting at northcentral in january, and jordan is now attending some free assoc. bible college in the cities. i mentioned to mark that in a lot of ways attending a bible school really did some damage, though i contradicted myself in the next statement- saying it was a good expeirence too and was worth it. that is about all i said, being vauge because i hadn't completely sorted my thoughts._______ **i feel religious. and i don't like it. i told god last night that i really want him to just be in fount of me. i would like to sit down and have some sort of hot drink, or maybe a white russian... perhaps just water. whatever. i want to see him. i would like to hear him tell me things that no one else knows. yeah, like that women in the bible. i have heard that he is holy and righteous, but i want to see his eyes. i would rather not read stories, about other peoples encounters. yes, i want to be beckoned to the bush and come back glowing and slient. yes, i want to know the man who died so that i would have a chance to live, this day and tomarrow. i would rather not sing songs that have become stangnat and monotone, to the only creator. if i am going to sing, i long for it to become an urgency out of the depths that i don't understand, not because i am prompted to with power point some well know "hit" on pretty christian stations.______see ya. love ya. yeah, i do. so, are you going to go to cub today? the ending is a good one. well... you are entitled to your own opinion. wa ha ha.

sNOW?

i hope it snows tommarrow. i am off and i would like to make some molasses candy.
************************************************************************
hangin' out a boyceville elementary twirling my right foot. it's a beautiful day. ((i would like to buy a cookie sprizter gun, i would than like to wear it in a holster------- and shoot. no, i am not kidding.

*my dad watched "how to lose a guy in ten days"- and kept laughing. i really like that he was cracking up pver a 'chick flick.' i mosked him, only a little.

and now it's friday.

my face still hurts for crying with james william this morning. it was a good talk. long and good. and than i chatted with sarah. long and good. people are beautiful. aren't they. wow. ok, off to the possibally sold out play that the boyceville high schooler's are presenting! good bye.

thursday

i am sitting next to my new friend in the small-town book hole.
i am leaving so i can change out of my scrubs and write in a nice coffee place in yet another small town.
i hope you are well.
yeah, i am too.

honestly, come on.

see. that wasn't too long.
*i saw betty's parents on friday when i ran into the store to get the black pearl/ johnny depp/ pirate movie to finally add to my collection of worthy flims to actually have on hand all the time... (that one always reminds me of jolene... long lost jolene who is livin' it up in colorado.) so, betty... things are looking up at present for her. tears streamed down my face in k-mart as her mom and dad told me of incredible news. good. good. good. anyways, i drove to the apt. for second time that evening (i thought barb was still residing there.), and tap tap-- i could see betty from the door's window. she screamed. we hugged and talked and laughed and i meet the guy she is now with. paul, her brother, who is basically my brother-- finally got dressed- i am not saying anymore, and he told me about his new girl and his job. i hung out with her for the rest of the evening. though nobody won the blizzard scratch game and ashton's punk'd was blarring-- it was an amazing evening. and i am happy for her.
*i have cold fingers.
*i got on the computer to actually look for jobs in portland. i stumbled across some fine ones. but i am not planning on doing it. leaving. i was, for awhile i was. i read my "seattle" post i made last dec.. i am still antsy. but i am not content. someone told me this past summer that a new location, or a new job, or new relationships are not going to change your ability to be content. i want to run. my plan was to get out of this area, make new friends, discover truth, make a new idenity for myself, and say screw it to my past. it was going to be great. i was missing something though, and i think that something was that god is truth and reality and there is nothing more that i need. adventure is in him. i was craving adventure, and yet, because i see this god as a tame-ish, kind one, i forgot the truth. i have been reading job. job's trust in this god amazes me. and it is not a game for softies. he relies on the notion that his god is actual and without denying the one who made him he seperates truth from fantasy. i long to live honoring a god that cannot be compartmentalized into a saying on a t-shirt, or an article on a magazine- or hell, the thoughts in this girl's mind. god is more, and will always be more. and i love him because i don't get it. if i could understand his complexities, than he would be in no place to be the lord of all, now would he?
*my saturn is paid for. oh, yeah the saturn no longer exists as it were. scrab metal somewhere, baby. but the loan is done.
*i have chemistry books at home that i now have to study from.
*i went running in the field yesterday. and i wore red so i wouldn't be shot down dead.
*((someone left the nursing home through the window. yes, he was a resident. no, he is no longer living there. yes, i was on for that shift.))
*bethany and i and probably some others are going to the bradley hathaway show on tues. that should be good.
*i think i am going to boston for new years. it seems to early to be talking about new years, but than again it is nov. i miss amber.
*my parents were looking at a house on the lake in menomonie after church today. i haven't seen them yet to see how it went.

**the following is a life that beckoning to me.

**the following is quoted in brennan manning's signiture of jesus.
--- I am a part of the fellowship of the Unashamed. I have the Holy SpiritPower. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slowdown, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense,and my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, sightwalking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions,mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, orpopularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised,regarded, or rewarded. I now live by presence, learn by faith, love bypatience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, myway is rough, my companions few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear.I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted,or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in thepresence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at thepool of popularity, or meander in the maze ofmediocrity.I won't give up, back up, let up, or shut up until I've preached up, prayed up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ. I am adisciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until He returns, give until I drop,preach until all know, and work until He comes.And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My banner will be clear... (dr. moorehead, spoken by a martyr in africa.)---

hmmm. so i am still learning to continue and to have fun and to relize what it means to honor and follow the living god. dare i say LIVING? yep, i do.