this weekend that is nearing an end, has been cushioned between one 'restless' week w/ an upcoming projected 'busy' week.
i would imagain this weekend to be the almost, unnoticed- slight pause between a deep exhale and an anticipated deep inhale.
this weekend was relaxing and well-spent, adventuresome and finally i am home, thinking about what prep if any i need to do to my professional attire prior to the morning hours. ...it is the evening sunday hours--red zinger tea w/ a lemon-honey stick to accompany, from a dear friend's mug that i still have in my possesion-- a bit of reading from the Hobbit by a delicious smelling candle's light and yes, i did get a slight headache that i think was worth the 'atsmosphere'--and some reading from the B-I-B-L-E... though, my thoughts nowadays have little to do with the tune sung prior to sunday school.
so, god and i chatted. it wasn't particularly 'good.' but, he did remind me of his holiness, and that the amazing plan never disappeared, and that in the CHAOS and UNSURE HOURS and the BACK-to-BACK MEETINGS and FUN alike- that i could be still and quiet and not have to be in-control, or have it all planned, or innitate, or what-have-you.
i am excited about this week: -about b.s. at my home and then a friend's birthday celebration monday eve, about wednesday's dinner with several fun folks and the possiblities of a nugget's game, about thursday's outting w/ a handful of scum ladies in fancy garb, about friday morning's coffee w/ my current pastor then a drive to see my new lovely loveland sister, then a drive back to the college to assist with activities during the night classes, about a wide-open saturday morning, then catching up w/ the sister+ again for her/their night of introduction, then two more birthday parties' pauses if i am game for it.
i am excited to l i v e it, and NOT have to be in control of any of IT. because... i am only in control of my actions and attitude, and tounge, and more examples that i choose not to list at this point.
bottom line: stillness. and enjoying that. and trusting. and. DONE.
p.s. soon, we'll talk about adventures. 'cause i love them, and the hobbit and his companions are in the midst of a grand one. but for now, i best just be caught-up in the adventure w/out attempting to decipher more of the meaning/ purpose, etc... oh, and immerse myself in the s t i l l.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
reports
i hate it when they don't run right.
reports. it is sort of like proving yourself. proving, that you worked hard. proving, proving. proving...
guess- THAT is what bothers me most. it feels like someone, somewhere, something is doubting my integrity.
i probably shouldn't take it so personally.
how else are they going to know im a hard worker.
reports. it is sort of like proving yourself. proving, that you worked hard. proving, proving. proving...
guess- THAT is what bothers me most. it feels like someone, somewhere, something is doubting my integrity.
i probably shouldn't take it so personally.
how else are they going to know im a hard worker.
Friday, February 19, 2010
oh child, things are going to get easier
i am not sure how to begin to collect my thoughts. i want to. just know that.
about an hour ago, i returned home from a slick and snowy drive. i returned and i continued to sit in the car.
how was i living my life? was it for myself solely and to appease the individuals around me or was it truely for the sake of christ? was i representing the freedom and love and gifts that have been bestowed to me?
the voices coming off the spinning c.d. and flying through the air to my ear drums... and then the recipercaters and the brain decipering words and coonotations. MAGIC.
was i, am i, living a life that is representing what i say i am about? am i being a humble and investing steward? what am i really doing with the resources and gifts that i have been given?
the sermon that was sent to me via postman, along with some delicous valentine goodies and sweet notes from the land of cheese and beer. thank you mom, thank you dad.
so. the five stairsteps... spoke encouragement w/ their lyrics. someday, someday, someday-- it will be easier. but now, dear people-- continue. and um, let jesus love, let god refine, and let the holy spirit interrupt your daily plans... be your beautiful selves. and, know that one this end-- i will continue too. <3
about an hour ago, i returned home from a slick and snowy drive. i returned and i continued to sit in the car.
how was i living my life? was it for myself solely and to appease the individuals around me or was it truely for the sake of christ? was i representing the freedom and love and gifts that have been bestowed to me?
the voices coming off the spinning c.d. and flying through the air to my ear drums... and then the recipercaters and the brain decipering words and coonotations. MAGIC.
was i, am i, living a life that is representing what i say i am about? am i being a humble and investing steward? what am i really doing with the resources and gifts that i have been given?
the sermon that was sent to me via postman, along with some delicous valentine goodies and sweet notes from the land of cheese and beer. thank you mom, thank you dad.
so. the five stairsteps... spoke encouragement w/ their lyrics. someday, someday, someday-- it will be easier. but now, dear people-- continue. and um, let jesus love, let god refine, and let the holy spirit interrupt your daily plans... be your beautiful selves. and, know that one this end-- i will continue too. <3
Monday, February 15, 2010
newness... and the pain and thrill attached to it
so i ran the tecumseh trail marathon in december. careening around corners while grabbing the tree trucks for stability, racing through the mud and creeks single file. it was cold. indiana in december. i hurt my knee several weeks prior in training-- i think it was a clear creek canyon rock or root that did me in. but what an adventure! i loved it.
apparently i was on such a runners high after the race that i was planning the next years marathoning schedule. the "rush" does make a person insane. i stopped inbetween mile 16 and 17. the guys i ran with encouraged a road race in detroit or chicago. maybe someday, it is a lovely suggestion... but i would much rather run in the woods- even if it is over logs, through water, and ducking so the face doesn't get whipped in the face by branches.
it was amazing. my knee is better, i am no longer applying icy hot and wearing a sleeve. and, i am amazed by stubborn endurance. amazed.
alright, in h.s. i was asked if i wanted to go snowboarding-- and i did but for some reason that i don't recall at this point, i never did go. 10+ years later, i went. a couple dear friends mustered the patience and kindness and trained me for a day. the experience was exhilerating, the snow was beautiful, and getting on the lift may have been the scareiest bit.
part of me felt invincible when i fastened the helmet-- another part of me wondered if my agile, youthful days had passed... as i fell again and again. i wore bikers shorts under my layers to absorb more shock. ironically, i remembered that my health insurance card was alongside my i.d. in the pocket of my borrowed snowpants- just in case.
i grew up sledding and snow tubbing, i've done x-country skiing and snowmobiling-- but this 'down the mountian shredding business' was and is brand new. i borrowed a lot of "gear" and layered up with some of the running grab but i did buy a lift ticket and rent some boots, and parked in a money lot in breckinridge.
it might be because i grew up in wisconsin with plenty of snow for many months or it may be because i watch everest videos and understand avalanches are dangerous- but i also believe waking up and crossing the street has the potential to be life-risking-- either way, i anticipate the moment that i can snowboard on that snowy decline over yonder. yep. i one with several friends and trees, lots of snow, a lot of excitment, and... well no terrifying lift to munever on quickly. :) may it be safe enough that i can talk about the great joy it was coming down in the "powder."
for this day, my neck still hurts, and i am still applying the icy hot. sheesh. and the new memories are such awesome delights.
apparently i was on such a runners high after the race that i was planning the next years marathoning schedule. the "rush" does make a person insane. i stopped inbetween mile 16 and 17. the guys i ran with encouraged a road race in detroit or chicago. maybe someday, it is a lovely suggestion... but i would much rather run in the woods- even if it is over logs, through water, and ducking so the face doesn't get whipped in the face by branches.
it was amazing. my knee is better, i am no longer applying icy hot and wearing a sleeve. and, i am amazed by stubborn endurance. amazed.
alright, in h.s. i was asked if i wanted to go snowboarding-- and i did but for some reason that i don't recall at this point, i never did go. 10+ years later, i went. a couple dear friends mustered the patience and kindness and trained me for a day. the experience was exhilerating, the snow was beautiful, and getting on the lift may have been the scareiest bit.
part of me felt invincible when i fastened the helmet-- another part of me wondered if my agile, youthful days had passed... as i fell again and again. i wore bikers shorts under my layers to absorb more shock. ironically, i remembered that my health insurance card was alongside my i.d. in the pocket of my borrowed snowpants- just in case.
i grew up sledding and snow tubbing, i've done x-country skiing and snowmobiling-- but this 'down the mountian shredding business' was and is brand new. i borrowed a lot of "gear" and layered up with some of the running grab but i did buy a lift ticket and rent some boots, and parked in a money lot in breckinridge.
it might be because i grew up in wisconsin with plenty of snow for many months or it may be because i watch everest videos and understand avalanches are dangerous- but i also believe waking up and crossing the street has the potential to be life-risking-- either way, i anticipate the moment that i can snowboard on that snowy decline over yonder. yep. i one with several friends and trees, lots of snow, a lot of excitment, and... well no terrifying lift to munever on quickly. :) may it be safe enough that i can talk about the great joy it was coming down in the "powder."
for this day, my neck still hurts, and i am still applying the icy hot. sheesh. and the new memories are such awesome delights.
Monday, February 8, 2010
friendship
in college i wrote a paper pertaining to christianity and mutuality w/in friendships. friendships... the good, bad, annoying.
the prose was amazing. i made some thought provoking discoveries which seemed to challenge my own mind, as well as, other minds in the classroom, whom were seemingly committed to growth.
bottom line:
give. give. give. give. give. be generous. did i already mention give? give of yourself. god will fill you. etc. and yep. i threw in some scripture and it was a pretty, seven page, staple-in-the-left-corner assignment that i may have, or may not have turned in at the original due date.
well, nearing six years since my undergrad completion, and perhaps, seven or eight since the inital assignment was offered...
i now run across proverbs that discuss the generalized character traits that are wise to align oneself with. i have stubbled across betrayal, and disrespect has slapped my face numerous times. friendship. so, another revelation has been determined-- a refined scope has been crafted... i will try to continue to give, to give, to give, to be generous. but- i value the healthy relationship and will invest wisely with approriate boundaries. i opt to be open, yet, less naive. oh, beautiful people-- we are all so precious and fragile.
the proverbs are good.
that's all.
the prose was amazing. i made some thought provoking discoveries which seemed to challenge my own mind, as well as, other minds in the classroom, whom were seemingly committed to growth.
bottom line:
give. give. give. give. give. be generous. did i already mention give? give of yourself. god will fill you. etc. and yep. i threw in some scripture and it was a pretty, seven page, staple-in-the-left-corner assignment that i may have, or may not have turned in at the original due date.
well, nearing six years since my undergrad completion, and perhaps, seven or eight since the inital assignment was offered...
i now run across proverbs that discuss the generalized character traits that are wise to align oneself with. i have stubbled across betrayal, and disrespect has slapped my face numerous times. friendship. so, another revelation has been determined-- a refined scope has been crafted... i will try to continue to give, to give, to give, to be generous. but- i value the healthy relationship and will invest wisely with approriate boundaries. i opt to be open, yet, less naive. oh, beautiful people-- we are all so precious and fragile.
the proverbs are good.
that's all.
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