amelia

its a nice name. right this moment, i would like to be her... and than the moment is up. i see that i been given a different name for this time, one for this planet-- and im ok with it. god is working in me. it is a hard part. it is me wondering a lot more about him than i ever have before. it is this little girl trying to hold onto truth, when truth is being questioned from every known angle-- and several made-up ones. i don't beg for encouragement. prayer is needed-- but i will not plead for your knees to hit the floor for my-well-being. frankly, i don't want well-being. it is kind of like apple crisp for every meal. it might taste wonderful for every meal- but really, overtime, it is doing scary stuff to your body... a summoning goes out agian and still throughout the lands, throughout the nations-- for persons to come hungry before a living holy god. guys, i stand: dusty face with tear trails. my legs are beginning to feel the weight of the skin and muscle and tendons and bones-- seperatly and distincinly. so what does it look like to know jesus so intimatly to not be able to go an hour, ten min.s, five min.s without hearing a whisper from him, or receiving a look offered by him. presently, i can probably go for quite a while without really seemingly needing god... because when i turn on the faucet- water gushes out, when i turn the key in the ignition- my car starts, and- oh yes, when i sit down- the chair doesn't break. there is food in the fridge, and blankets on my bed, heck- i could walk out of my job tomarrow and be on plane to europe to start a new life and you know when i go to the airport i just have to flash the visa and the passport... so, god. oh yeah, so god. god is beyond. unimagianable reality. that is what he is-- that is who he is-- and that is what he is about. calling forth persons who have never known love, and loving them-- loving us. and what that the ____ is that all about?! i don't really know. im just kind of learning. and taking little nibbles, because its pretty darn tastey. wanna bite? (p.s. soy candles are amazing. this one is supposed to smell like 'meadow.' like a soy meadow...sheesh.)