greetings earthlings and the rest of you

yo.
i can't sleep.
i should sleep, i have mock interviews at 8a for 21 students tomorrow. i will like to be able to firmly shake their hand and give them a friendly, but powerful look rather than offering them blood-shot dark ringed eyeballs and a limp-fish-sissy handshake. ha. well, concealer and determinded reflexes will be my answer... for now, id like to write.

GOODNESS. it is nearly august. august?
may: california trip
june: 10 yr h.s. reunion and those stories... and wahoo!! i got into grad school. wisconsin trip
july: road trip, fun strangers, hail storm. my car is SUPER bumpy but it was a blast and good life reminders.

so, yep... looking into education accretation intitutions for possible career paths.

haha. who knows what is in store for tomorrow!! this god, that has reminded me of his presence greatly in the last several weeks-- has incredible secrets for his creation. i have an inkling that he wants to share them with us. be blessed termendiously, in this hour-- and yep-- i do dare you to continue to let your/our clenched fists be sweet offerings to him.

off-day

i'm sick. i still haven't heard from ucd about their admission descision. i forgot about my dentist bill, and it has accumulated. it's late at night. i can't sleep. the last thing i want to do is watch more 'hulu' t.v. i keep sneezing, which was fun at first and now is sort of irrateating.

it is an off-day. i recently heard that for humans off-days are permissable. i thought i learned this lesson already, even so... i felt ashamed when i left work after only being there 2 hr.s.

and i feel pathetic lying in bed for hours today.

i wonder why that is??

only a smidgen of patience

i want to get into school. i am supposed to find out this week if i did. to deal w/ this fact... i check my email WAY TOO MANY TIMES a day.

like every ten minutes.

no i am not really exhaerating, though i wish i was.

head gear

after a discussion about a wonderfully themed 30th birthday party... with 30 things represented that the birthday lady or man is 'happy' to be rid of, i have decided to begin now. i am 28. in hearing that some must prepare- i choose to queue up.

great idea jolene braband. wonderful conversation meghan mcgrath and jolene.

i'm looking forward to the incredible parties.

celebration of completion with:
1. head gear
2. braces
3. cuff-rolled, splatter-painted, white-washed jeans
4. multicolored, layered, slouchy socks
5. lisa frank stationary
6. fruit jammer theft from the elementary school store
7. lead smears and notebook ring inprints due to being a young lefty- who did not know it was ok to grasp the pencil lighter and flip the notebook around
8. jr. high dances
9. mandatory schooling
10. mandatory dresses and tights
11. perms
12. press-on earrings
13. low self confidence
14. larning to bike
15. ... more another evening

the waiting game

so i applied. again. to grad school.

we'll see. perhaps, the timing is more right this time around. i thought it was last time, but alas-- they didn't take my money.

REJECTION?... and then you TRY AGAIN.

i did. and now i wait.

and wait.

and wait, a bit more.

-ill keep you posted.

*thank you-- Dr. Rick Mann, Mr.Dan Whelan, Mr. Lem Usita, Mrs. Marissa Banker, Ms. Traci Johnson, Ms. Jolene Braband, Mr. Jerry Hamilton, Ms. Meghan McGrath and Mr. James and Mrs. Karen Kersting-- your support has been tremendous- thank you, still.

stillness

this weekend that is nearing an end, has been cushioned between one 'restless' week w/ an upcoming projected 'busy' week.

i would imagain this weekend to be the almost, unnoticed- slight pause between a deep exhale and an anticipated deep inhale.

this weekend was relaxing and well-spent, adventuresome and finally i am home, thinking about what prep if any i need to do to my professional attire prior to the morning hours. ...it is the evening sunday hours--red zinger tea w/ a lemon-honey stick to accompany, from a dear friend's mug that i still have in my possesion-- a bit of reading from the Hobbit by a delicious smelling candle's light and yes, i did get a slight headache that i think was worth the 'atsmosphere'--and some reading from the B-I-B-L-E... though, my thoughts nowadays have little to do with the tune sung prior to sunday school.

so, god and i chatted. it wasn't particularly 'good.' but, he did remind me of his holiness, and that the amazing plan never disappeared, and that in the CHAOS and UNSURE HOURS and the BACK-to-BACK MEETINGS and FUN alike- that i could be still and quiet and not have to be in-control, or have it all planned, or innitate, or what-have-you.

i am excited about this week: -about b.s. at my home and then a friend's birthday celebration monday eve, about wednesday's dinner with several fun folks and the possiblities of a nugget's game, about thursday's outting w/ a handful of scum ladies in fancy garb, about friday morning's coffee w/ my current pastor then a drive to see my new lovely loveland sister, then a drive back to the college to assist with activities during the night classes, about a wide-open saturday morning, then catching up w/ the sister+ again for her/their night of introduction, then two more birthday parties' pauses if i am game for it.

i am excited to l i v e it, and NOT have to be in control of any of IT. because... i am only in control of my actions and attitude, and tounge, and more examples that i choose not to list at this point.

bottom line: stillness. and enjoying that. and trusting. and. DONE.

p.s. soon, we'll talk about adventures. 'cause i love them, and the hobbit and his companions are in the midst of a grand one. but for now, i best just be caught-up in the adventure w/out attempting to decipher more of the meaning/ purpose, etc... oh, and immerse myself in the s t i l l.

reports

i hate it when they don't run right.

reports. it is sort of like proving yourself. proving, that you worked hard. proving, proving. proving...

guess- THAT is what bothers me most. it feels like someone, somewhere, something is doubting my integrity.

i probably shouldn't take it so personally.

how else are they going to know im a hard worker.