once again... i like to play and pretend and imagain and create. i have a hard time being ok with life when it is not fun, and it hurts, and there is confussion and chaos spilt all over. i used to deny it. the messes of life. the complexities of living. the ideals i thought i would immerse myself into that were actually not ideals at all.
i am sitting in a coffee shop. my ass is begining to hurt a bit; although the hard wooden pew provides an amazing sense of enviroment, it , unforenutly does not cater to the body for lengths of time whatsoever.
last night, i worked at the hospital. it is strange to think that i ended my shift at eight this morning. it has been good for me to get hospital experience, although the realizations it has offered, angers me. i have been doing cna work in nursing homes for the last six years. six years! on and off a bit, but for the most part, the great bit of six years. when i lived in minneapolis i tried to get hired at a hospital. my resume was denied with the reasoning that i didnt have any accute care expeirence. when i moved to wisconsin, the same deal. i tried and was denied. colorado, spring of '06-- same thing. ok. knowing "fresh" cna's that worked in a hospital... i was frustrated. whatever. fastforward to now. i got a job with an agency that places cna's in hospitals and nursing homes both. (and am on call for a place that will set me up with home health care and hospice work.) beautiful. i wanted the experience. "there must be more that cna's do in hospitals..." but thus far i have taken vitals, done blood sugars, emptied urinials, made beds and filled water pitchers... i just wondered why all these hospital faciluties from the past wouldn't let me in when cna nursing home work is all that and... caring for these people, feeding, bathing, tolieting... please hear me. i am glad for the oppurtunity. happy for the expeirience. i just wonder if it stems back to this western societies fond approval of idolizing youthfulness and in turn disregarding elderly. ((oh and when i was at a nursing home last week-- an 80 yr old took out her green mood lipstick. no im not lying at all. i was able to witness the perfect application of this lip enhancer prior to the clock reading 7o'clock. funny. you would have laughed to. *i think i discarded mine in the 8th grade.))
now that it is warmish again-- i crave bike rides. it is an appropriate passion, i do beleive. yesterday, i was able to venture downtown with trish. we did a barnes and noble stop and then indulged in the fancy cheesecake that is at burger king for 1.29 and is scrumptious enough to compare with the cheesecake factory. ((the cheesecake factory reminds me of tyler burton while her surname was still stinson... and lem usita on his conference visit from cali... and ms. jenna stanfield *starfield! when we probably both had an overdraft fee and it was freezing and we were deliberating on the 16th street mall. oh, cheesecake.)) and now cheesecake, which trish stated she didn't even enjoy that much-- but we sat in the grass along the bike path and ate not-so-healthful food, after feeling somewhat healthy. then, jenna and i rode along the bike path today. chatting about men. and god. and which route to take. pretty much in the opposite line-up that i just stated.
life goals. to be an RN before im thirty... amber. you said it. not me. i think i want to but um, then theres school, and money and to actually work hard. honestly, i want to lay on the couch and read novels and watch little house on the prairie and eat ice cream and squash.
so the man at the counter gave me two massive chocolate cookies. oh peace floods with cookies consumptions.
ok i work at 6. goodbye. goodnight.
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