honestly, come on.

see. that wasn't too long.
*i saw betty's parents on friday when i ran into the store to get the black pearl/ johnny depp/ pirate movie to finally add to my collection of worthy flims to actually have on hand all the time... (that one always reminds me of jolene... long lost jolene who is livin' it up in colorado.) so, betty... things are looking up at present for her. tears streamed down my face in k-mart as her mom and dad told me of incredible news. good. good. good. anyways, i drove to the apt. for second time that evening (i thought barb was still residing there.), and tap tap-- i could see betty from the door's window. she screamed. we hugged and talked and laughed and i meet the guy she is now with. paul, her brother, who is basically my brother-- finally got dressed- i am not saying anymore, and he told me about his new girl and his job. i hung out with her for the rest of the evening. though nobody won the blizzard scratch game and ashton's punk'd was blarring-- it was an amazing evening. and i am happy for her.
*i have cold fingers.
*i got on the computer to actually look for jobs in portland. i stumbled across some fine ones. but i am not planning on doing it. leaving. i was, for awhile i was. i read my "seattle" post i made last dec.. i am still antsy. but i am not content. someone told me this past summer that a new location, or a new job, or new relationships are not going to change your ability to be content. i want to run. my plan was to get out of this area, make new friends, discover truth, make a new idenity for myself, and say screw it to my past. it was going to be great. i was missing something though, and i think that something was that god is truth and reality and there is nothing more that i need. adventure is in him. i was craving adventure, and yet, because i see this god as a tame-ish, kind one, i forgot the truth. i have been reading job. job's trust in this god amazes me. and it is not a game for softies. he relies on the notion that his god is actual and without denying the one who made him he seperates truth from fantasy. i long to live honoring a god that cannot be compartmentalized into a saying on a t-shirt, or an article on a magazine- or hell, the thoughts in this girl's mind. god is more, and will always be more. and i love him because i don't get it. if i could understand his complexities, than he would be in no place to be the lord of all, now would he?
*my saturn is paid for. oh, yeah the saturn no longer exists as it were. scrab metal somewhere, baby. but the loan is done.
*i have chemistry books at home that i now have to study from.
*i went running in the field yesterday. and i wore red so i wouldn't be shot down dead.
*((someone left the nursing home through the window. yes, he was a resident. no, he is no longer living there. yes, i was on for that shift.))
*bethany and i and probably some others are going to the bradley hathaway show on tues. that should be good.
*i think i am going to boston for new years. it seems to early to be talking about new years, but than again it is nov. i miss amber.
*my parents were looking at a house on the lake in menomonie after church today. i haven't seen them yet to see how it went.

**the following is a life that beckoning to me.

**the following is quoted in brennan manning's signiture of jesus.
--- I am a part of the fellowship of the Unashamed. I have the Holy SpiritPower. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slowdown, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense,and my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, sightwalking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions,mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, orpopularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised,regarded, or rewarded. I now live by presence, learn by faith, love bypatience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, myway is rough, my companions few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear.I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted,or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in thepresence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at thepool of popularity, or meander in the maze ofmediocrity.I won't give up, back up, let up, or shut up until I've preached up, prayed up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ. I am adisciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until He returns, give until I drop,preach until all know, and work until He comes.And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My banner will be clear... (dr. moorehead, spoken by a martyr in africa.)---

hmmm. so i am still learning to continue and to have fun and to relize what it means to honor and follow the living god. dare i say LIVING? yep, i do.