monday, monday.

im listening to m.ward, and it is wonderful. i also have a fresh piece of gauze in the place of my recently extracted wisdom tooth. in fact, if i begin sharing nonsense-- it is because of huge pink pills i was recommended from the man who's profession i will never envy. never ever.__ a lot has happened within the number of hours that i was not logged into this page... i think the best way to go about explaining may be the following. i hope it is the following. and you have already received the disclaimer that i could fade at any time so... read on if you wish. it will be random. * the interview went well. it is a live-in caregiver position for the weekends... they want me, but at present they don't have clients. weird. shady. so, no i do not have another job yet. but i will if they call. *emma's party was on saturday. tornados touched down in several towns right around. (wiped out 22 houses.) locations nearby had thunderstorms and sheets of downpour. it was sunny at our home. light breeze-- seemingly perfect for a large gathering. my face sort of hurt from passing out grins-- but they were genuine so the endorphins kept me going... it was nice to catch up with so many. it was nice to love on people, and let them love on me. it was a dessert buffet, so we have left over sugary morsels and heaps of fruit. lovely. *amber and i went out that night. we went to a show and had a couple drinks. drinking slowly is a smart thing if you are consuming on an empty stomach. i wasn't smart. we were leaving because the music wasn't pleasing in our opinions, but what i was currently holding tasted so good. too good to just set down when we were planning to scamper. yeah, dumb. i was dumb. and yes, i quickly realized. the night went on, i ran into fun people i knew- and now know agian. that was nice. it was nice to hang out with my sister. and be real with her. real, that i love jesus. real, that i sometimes enjoy heavy, crazy, mad music. real, that i like a 'white russian' when it is mixed right. *sunday morning. i went to the young adults sunday school. it is good. honestly, i am really happy that initiative is being taken among my peers. that excites me. *for a while now... God has been breaking me down. he has been taking me through crappy pride issues- and frankly, i know he is not done yet. he has been sorting out some assumptions that i have made about christian living. he has been reestablishing truth into the core and center and priority of what i am about and what i seek. i am seeing more clearly these days that the screaming that i have been about has been in vain. perhaps, not it its entirety simply because it has lead me to where i stand this hour. i have been screaming. passionate words about the injustice of fellow persons made in the likeness and beauty of his very self. i have been screaming to myself. i have been screaming to the trees. to the pillow. i weep uncontrollable when i peer at the intriuqte detail of a shiny beetle. yet, i speak harshly about the ways of the western pew-dweller. i plead that i will shine brightly, but rarely do i put forth effort that is life and death dependent. jesus christ was sent by god in order that the world may be set free from the cords of sin, that entangling so darn easily. FREEDOM TO DANCE INTIMATELY WITH THEIR HOLY CREATOR. not, simply so jasmine may have this nice conclusion as to the way the world works. no. yes, i am invited into the holy of holies so i too may see and know this God, this creator, this lover, this saver. it is so much more than, about my plans for the day or week, or year. it is about more than, what guy i am attracted to. more than, my successes- more than my failures. more than, screaming just to scream. so, through all of this-- God has not changed. he is just still in the buisness of changing the hearts and minds of persons who turn to him and allow the smidgen of faith they are able to muster up and ask that he again simply be God. i have been offering my smidgen of faith. and he is still good and he is still God. *i watched "bring it on" with emma today. i kind of wanted to be a cheerleader. i kind still do. *amber is in the air. yup, right now. flying to her home. *a major community leader in boyceville died when a vehicle hit him while he was on his bike. he has a couple kids. his wife is the elementary principal. this family is hurting. this community is hurting. ...things change- just like that... *i watered the plants at one of the house-sitting homes today. jolene, too bad you can't see me now. i am growing up. it has been a long time since the cheeto foliage... oh, gosh-- and i changed my oil. well. my dad has showed me how about 4 times now, i still don't get it- so i took it to a place where the guys with grease deep under their nails are friendly. they changed it. but i got a sticker in my window and it makes me happy. so now are you due for an oil change, or... have you checked your oil level lately? i hear it is a good thing to be at least somewhat conscious of. bye. continue on, ok?