in honor of thursday.

quotes of the day, according to the two little flip-things we have found in various places throughout the house, various days throughout the month. sometimes. and usually, one can be found on the kitchen table and the other in the office, quite respectively. 1) "Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves, but deal in our privacy with the last and honest truth." Ralph Waldo Emerson. 2) "We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails." Someone Somewhere.
*****i went on a long walk in the woods this evening with robyn. we found my big rock. we almost didn't. i used to go down there when i was little. 8, 9, 10- yeah, when the woods was slightly scary, but i ventured out despite the risk of bears... the rock. it is massive. well. so, i envision it to be much like the famous titanic iceberg. i envision it to be much beyond the fair-sized sitting rock. much beyond. i would take it with me to heaven if i could. really. *discussions amongst the swaying tall leafed ones. spiders webs to scream about. shadowed colors. a great leg work-out... i want to say it was refreshing. but that would be a lie. it was exhausting. it was exhausting in the best way ever though. thee best way.
*****i was in awe. i sat in a dirt parking lot until 2am and witnessed the start and conclusion of a mighty storm. we twirled in the sprinkles. yes, danced in the rain. and set ourselves semi-comfortably in sarah's car with the sun roof available to peer upwards. our eyes hurt. the lightning was breathtaking. the wild winds that blew the hard rains across the parking lot, provide the illusion that the vehicle sat on top of the ocean. we wondered if the tornado might be right next to us. wow. i liked that a lot. and yes, chatting with sarah is a beautiful expeirence. i think i want to be like terry and be a storm watcher for real. terry even has a big sticker on the car to prove it-- and she notifies the weatherman when they are peering at the screens... she notifies them of what is really occurring. i just want the sticker. i want to take hers. she would know it was me.
*****((simply a question for the gentleman and ladies alike. topic: dating. relationships. does the guy pursue? does the girl wait? does the girl pursue? does the guy wait? or do you think "this" ideology is screwed up? a wink is passed by one, and if a smirk is offered... than the race is on? or do you think this ideology is screwed up? one lays at the foot of the bed of another, and if the 'forced entry' is "excused"... than time in the bed together comes? or do you think this ideology is screwed up? anyways. that was a lot of questions. i want to know thoughts/ opinions/ ideas. if you have actually read this far- comment- because i want to know. and you don't even have to let your identity be known. emma? seriously. ok. enough with the desperate pleas. and i'll tell you what i think, believe, have found to be true. soonish.))
oh. and the car is back into totaled status. the insurance people can't make up their mind. it is kind of annoying. i hope this is their "final answer." meanwhile, the loaner has those moving seatbelts. those are so weird.
the cities are calling to me. tomorrow eve. i am on the edge of ecstatic.

blue # 3. read on if you care to.

blue things.

blue number one. blue paint. i am making bubbles. blue bubbles. i have never been fond of scrap-booking. don't ask me to like it. i won't. i will try to be nice to you if you or your mom is into pre-cut pastel "artsy" designs. goodness, i will be nice already. just let me make my own design from bold colors and various shades... whatever. i ran into a girl from my graduating class at boyceville. we rode the same bus, and bonded over lisa frank and hard math problems. anyways, she is going to have baby shower shortly, but her grandma needed help with the invitations so, "hey, you enjoy paint and such..." needless to say, i was recruited. she totally sponge-painted these ducks on the fount... from cutting up a normal scrubbing sponge from wal-mart. i was impressed. of course i couldn't say 'no' to an independent, inventive project such as the one i just happened to run into. and this girl, is lovely. i missed her. i wondered about her. and i am now so glad i ran into her. yes, blue bubbles all over the place. that was the request, and i am trying my best to offer a good follow-through. they look good. you are invited. i don't exactly know when it is, but it will be for a connorsville new one. by the way, connorsville kids are totally going to take over the world. don't take "by the way's" lightly._____
blue number two. blue water. emma choose to be baptized sunday evening. it was a beautiful sight. as she spoke words of hope, her tears displayed how real god was/is in her life-- in changing her, and building her, and now in her display to live out her faith. "i am totally ready. 100%." i shuddered as i listened to the words that came tumbling out of her depth. i shudder because i know that great opposition often comes at the doors of those who throw out all but jesus in their lives. i shudder because i am so stinkin' proud of her, but now a new sense of responsibly has come upon me. i can not be lax in my prayers for my sister. i shudder because i remember clearly the soon after hours, the days, the months. i recall the newness and the attentiveness that had. so, yeah. the water was blue. and. a good friend's fiance opted to jump in at the last moment. that alone was worth the trip into town. holly told me afterwards that she and him had been discussing the biblical implications for a while, and to no one's prior notification he decided the hour could wait not one longer. so, holly helped and in her jeans, she was a soggy mess. but those messes are what it is all about. emma's surrender. nat's surrender. the water was blue.______
blue number three. blueness. amber is away. it hits me when i look at this picture. i was with her. we were with her. now we are not. now i am not. so the picture is of amber heading home again to boston.(LtoR) emma has a studded belt. it is harmless though. unless, you dry it in the dryer and throw it at someone. painful? probably. amber has a great knee wrinkle on her right side. if i had a camera and was looking at this image, i would zoom in right there. and yes, you would see it on a billboard advertisement. for real. but alas, i was not standing where my mother was. and hi. that one is me. if i would have know you would be looking at this i might have opened my eyes. apparently, my count was off. hm. it appears big duffel has his tags still on from her arrival. i don't know. that is the way it appears though... and mr. toolbox. my dad is sorting through his massive collection of tools and is preparing his girls for flat-tires and such. nice man. amber's was even equipped with a needle-nose pliers. i checked. ---and hear is some blueness sent to wi. from mass. via phone line. amber's pitbull, drummer, and another pitbull were in a fight. might i mention right here, that drummer was and is a great dog. great, meaning yes, i hung out with him-- and i like him. he is a dog and i like him a lot. amber was at work and i am not going to share the whole tale, right here this instance because i should get back to those bubbles-- but he had to have surgery and now amber is having to make some pretty big decisions.____i think i will be done with the blue thing now. done.

Perhaps another greeting to Mr. H.

good morning

• a strawberry-banana-nectarine smoothie was made by the blender and now it is being consumed. wow. essentially, it is the 'taste of summer.'
• emma is in montana, and my parents went on another weekend excursion. they're plans were, madeleine island. i want to be traveling. i want to be off somewhere living out of my suitcase. that's ok. it will come... right now i have two dollars in the pocket of yesterday's jeans, and my vehicle's tank is on empty. i really hope they have fun. really. i have to sort some more stuff today, a project that i started but have yet to finish. tonight, when i crawl into bed it will be good to finally have it done. That's my goal. it will happen.
• final negotiations bring the car that i hit the deer with into not totaled status. they are going to work hard and fix it this next week though. i pay 250ish and get it back into the condition of when i first got it, minus the mileage. That's a good deal. and i am convinced that insurance is a good thing.
• Current. minnesota's public radio station plays incredible music. i like it a lot. in fact all of the radios throughout the house are now tuned into 89.3 fm. and they provide good independent news. what could be better than that?
• it looks like i may be going back into full time cna work. i am ok with it. i called some places yesterday and will be filling out applications on monday. nothing else had surfaced and the leads that i have made in the direction of the y/ss degree have hired someone with more schooling or with more experience. if i am able to work a 6-2 shift than i could perhaps volunteer for the runaway help lines or do something in which my core weeps about... relationships at the shop are amazing. i do not regret my time there, the people i have met, or the lessons that have piled into my lap. if you are coming to western wisconsin in hopes to land a great job and save some green, best wishes-- but perhaps you may want to seek employment elsewhere.
• within this last week i have both seen the goodness of god and felt it was striped. i walked into a depressive hole and did not see it coming. i believed lies. but, whatever. it doesn't matter. because i am seemingly experiencing the highs and lows of life, does not mean that there is not any stability in who i am. there is solid rock stability because i serve a faithful one. so yeah, the winds are blowing. but i cried out in all seriousness for the opportunity and privledge to see the lord for who he truly is. and allowing the "winds to blow" is part of that. if everything was still, i would not know the stability of my friend, the creator and savior. that is this week for ya.
• how are you? for real.

217: a did you know.

today, i decided to trust this guy at work. we were putting out freight. having a simple conversation about canned food products. pudding in a can. vegtables in a can. soup in a can. "soup" must have triggered campbell's. for he proceeded to share his insightful knowledge. "there are 217 noodles in a can of campbell's chicken noodle." i stared in disbelief. he went on to state that his source was reliable (some fancy learning program, from some fancy network station). so. i am going to trust him. 217. that sounds ok to me. well, at least i am not going to count today... besides, i don't think the cupboard is concealing any campbell's. so, did you know that? __ bethany is my friend. check her little notes out. let your eyes scan to the right of the screen... bjb. and, if you are reading this i'll bet you are my friend as well (er, i hope so). if you would like, i can add your initials which would in essence be a linkage to a public space of your own on thing crazy www. if you would like. let me know.___ bensonwells is singing to me. that is the name of my cousin's band. i enjoy the music, but i am bias. i think i would still enjoy the music if i was being completely objective. yes. i would. use a search engine of your choosing, they are out there. i can already envision sharp designs protraying images that benifit R.Paul, D.Lee, G.Lemon, I.Kremer. i can envision vip passes for shows in large forgein cities. yeah. check them out.

tomato guts oozing

...snap. ooze. tastebuds somewhat approve. the little tiny tomatoes that you are able to fit into your mouth using only a small buldge of your cheek pocket. i usually like them. this evening i do.__ new topic. the car. i walked in the front door this evening, after pausing by the vehicle to see if the Yuck smeared upon the window was washed off from the rain. (yes, i drove around throughout the weekend with it on. my dad thought it would be worthwhile evidence and that the insurance people should see it. i agreed. though it reminded me of the death act i was involved in.) it was. washed off. inside the house, i trotted about asking about the days that my parents were a part of, and ingaged in a bit of usual greeting chatter. than with solom-ness spread over my very self, i approach the question i was waiting for an answer to since 12:39 saturday morning about. "what next?" (with the vehicle as the underlined subject to which the question stems from.) dad went on to state matter-of-factly that the car was totaled. i denied it, as i reminded him that i drove it home that night. now, i understand a bit about cars. a bit. not a lot. a bit. so really i was just playing dumb because if i would have truly paused to scope out the damage and the figured body-shop costs... i would have put it together the way the body shop people and the insurance agent and my father put it together-- i just did not have time to calculate yet. yeah. i asked dad if this was a good thing. totaled. "yes, jas-- and i will tell you why." and he did. i could smile after that. until i asked him if he thought the deer was really actually dead. "yes." than i did not smile for a bit. you probably don't care whether i killed a four legged prancing beast at all (i am not refering to avery this time). BUT the next time your eyes are drawn and fixated upon the rotting flesh on the side of the road-- you might care then. i am just saying you might care, because the image and stench is hard to erase for at least several long minutes. thats all. im just saying. don't cry for me. don't cry about the chunks of fur. whatever. don't cry.__ whatelse? i stopped in a camp last week and two of my campers from 6 years ago now came running up and hollering my name. it was really good. neat, to be reminded about the impact of an individual. it was wonderful to reconnect with these former jr.high loudies, whom are now beautiful ladies yearning to know moreso who god is.__ speaking of impact... i was looking through yearbooks last night. yearbooks from high school and from college. i thought about people as i recalled conversations about dreams and life and current situations with those persons. i prayed. i laughed. i wondered. and i thought about the imapct that they had upon my life. it was something that i hope to never pack to far away in my brain-- i want to always be thankful for the sharing of someones life with my own. good and crazy, crazy good. *bedtime. therefore, i will scamper. right now. night all. i hope the dreams aren't too scary with the roadkill talk.